Life is how you make it :)

(Source: mingkiemingkie)

(Source: mingkiemingkie)

I had too much drama being a kid. Yes, I still act like a kid. I cry and I whine when I feel hopeless. And I know I just have to grow up. But how? I’ve been very dependent all my life. 

The only good thing about my life now is that “the odds are in my favor.” And I feel very blessed because of that! I never had to be responsible all my life. I only have to realize that circumstances aren’t the same as before anymore where I can just go away with my irresponsibility. Yeah, that’s hard for me to accept but I know somehow that I have to grow up and stand on my own. 

Mind you, having to “grow up” isn’t easy when no one is there who encourages and supports you all the way. Thank God I have my parents and a few supportive friends! 

And of course, my biggest and ultimate back up source of strength, the Lord my God! What do I need more when I have my EVERYTHING!!

T H A N K  Y O U !! ♥ :)

(Source: mingkiemingkie)

I’m supposed to be reviewing for my Career Service Exam now but let’s just cut that. I’m here to vent out slash rant. So brace up ‘cos tis gunna be a long one. And it’s two in the morning. Anyway..

Just this week, around last Tuesday, Jane, daughter of our Head Servant invited me to this orientation about a networking company. It works pretty the same way as the other networking companies inviting people and buying their product but in a more costly start up capital. The only thing is it’s international and it’s proven to be recession proof and an economically stable company included in NYSE market. But just as what I said, the start up money costs about 5 digits. Where in the world will I get that kind of money? Another thing is I believe this money making world dominating scheme is not the right time for me yet. I made a vow to dedicate my life for His glory come end 2011. After that I’m off to the real world. That’s what me and my Dad up there agreed upon.. 

In that orientation, it also inculcated in us that there are two kinds of working people in this world. Those who work hard and those who work smart. I think what they’re trying to say is you don’t have to work hard just to get rich. You have to work smart to get the most out of your job/business. Nevertheless, it just wasn’t for me because I’m depriving myself of mundane things nowadays. Not forever though.. Hmmm :))

Just one thing, that orientation made me think about my future plans again. What I should do in order to keep up with the very demanding and judgmental society of today. And until now, the idea haunts me..

The only thing which made me pretty excited about my awesome birthday was the anticipation that M would somehow greet or make any futile attempt of greeting me in one way or another. But then that crap just didn’t happen that I could slash my wrist for that. Aww jk. But yeah you get the picture. 

The drama: The world just doesn’t make sense anymore. No matter how hard I convince myself that there’re a lot of reasons to live out there and invite all the positive existing mantra, I just doesn’t work. I WANT HIM.

Why am I being like this anyway? Why can’t I accept the fact that he’s gone and that I better move on? Well maybe not move on cuz I don’t want to forget about him. Its just that I want to make myself more productive and driven than I am just the way when M was still here. Damn of an inspiration he was. The office feels so blank without him. Gaaaahh :-/ 

I’m currently watching the dance video of Chosen Generation on Youtube as people in the office, Joy and Athan, were talking about this hyped song earlier this afternoon. Listening to it now, I can’t help but associate M in this video. Although he absolutely has nothing to do with it, but the video makes me remember of what happened in Ateneo where the WYD11 Madrid to Manila was held. Thus linking the memory with M since WYD=memories with M. No question about that. 

I really don’t intend for this to happen, I mean associating just about every little thing in my surroundings with him, but pathetically that’s just the way it is. His existence impulsively reflects everywhere I go. Hmm one can say I can’t get him out of my head - out of my system. I’m not wishing for that to happen tough, not even close. But it just bothers me a bit why I’m acting like this.. Could it be that I miss him that much? Like really THAT much for me to act like this? Crazy..

While waiting for the video to buff earlier, I was making the minutes of our last management team  meeting. As the usual, I can’t focus on doing the task with a hundred percent of my attention. I keep doing this and doing that. Standing up and sitting again. Looking for things to assemble and disassemble. That’s the usual me when given a computer work. I’m expecting to stay up late again for tonight, I still have to finish this minutes. Argh.. I’m thinking this would be my training in becoming a corporate secretary. But then again, I don’t think I may settle for being just that. I’m off to something better. Like serving God perhaps? Nah.. I’m talking nonsense again..

I should be back working on the minutes now. But I’m craving for midnight snacks na pud :|