Nurturing the pain.
Lingering on to memories.
Dwelling with the past.
Justifying the future with cowardice.
I can’t believe I was crying like shit the time I heard his name out of the blue.
For the past weeks, I was trying hard to shun his existence out of my memory and remembering him in every little thing I do. But then as I heard Ate N relate to how her recent communication with M went, my ears were like automatically shutting on its own, refusing to hear anything from him.
I DON’T KNOW. It was an impulse that I cried literally thirty seconds after Ate Nelly was talking. Gahd. I don’t want to be affected but why am I acting effin’ like this?? I can really say FUCK MEMORIES. Why don’t you just fade away on your away without making me feel such pain?? FUCK YOU MEMORY.
But you know on the other side of the coin? I don’t want to move on and I don’t want to let go of those memories. Yet. I’m kind of not ready and I’m still longing that those times we spent would come back although I sanely know that that is impossible to happen. Well maybe I just miss the guy that much that hearing his name from other people completely shakens my entire world. Yes. Blame that to sweet memory..